Blissful and Fruitful Marriage
A good
marriage can make your life heaven and a bad one can really make it hell.
Therefore, all possible effort should be put in making it a happy and peaceful
home for yourself and for the future generations.
FOCUS ON EACH OTHER’S
STRENGTHS.
It’s not always easy to see
past minor annoyances, but to have A Blissful and Fruitful marriage you have to accept your partner’s strengths and weaknesses and
be able to set realistic expectations, says Ellen Chute.15 IMPORTANT THINGS THAT MAKE MARRIAGE BLISSFUL AND
FRUITFUL
According to a famous therapist, marriage is not a simple exchange of rings. Instead, it is a balancing
act which takes conscious effort to maintain.
Below
are the OILS that make Marriage machinery Run Smoothly:
1. LOVE/COMMITMENT.
At its core, love is a decision to be committed to
another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on
television, the big screen, and romance novels. Feelings come and go, but a
true decision to be committed lasts forever—and that is what defines healthy
marriages.
2. SEXUAL FAITHFULNESS.
Sexual faithfulness in marriage includes more than just
our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. When we devote
our minds to sexual fantasies about another person, we sacrifice sexual
faithfulness to our spouse. When we offer moments of emotional intimacies to
another, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse.
Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your
spouse. Sexual faithfulness requires self-discipline and an awareness of the
consequences. Refuse to put anything in front of your eyes, body, or heart that
would compromise your faithfulness.
3. CLOSENESS.
4. OPEN COMMUNICATION.
Healthy marriage partners communicate as much as
possible. They certainly discuss kids’ schedules, grocery lists, and utility
bills. But they don’t stop there. They also communicate hopes, dreams, fears,
and anxieties. They don’t just discuss the changes that are taking place in the
kid’s life, they also discuss the changes that are taking place in their own
hearts and souls.
This essential key cannot be overlooked because honest,
forthright communication becomes the foundation for so many other things on
this list: commitment, patience, and trust—just to name a few.
Nothing
should take the place of free flowing, hearty communication between couples.
Good communication is the lifeblood of any healthy relationship. Anything that
hinders smooth communication in marriage is a disease and should be dealt with
without wasting time. Even couples who are separated geographically should
still have an avenue for in-depth communication. Thank goodness for Information
and Communication Technology which has made communication at all levels easy
and affordable. Lack of communication creates a gap in marital relationship.
Therefore destroy it before it takes roots.
5. RESPECT.
6. HUMILITY.
We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal
these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block
of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that
you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness. Holding an attitude
of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and will prevent
your relationship from moving forward.
7. PATIENCE/FORGIVENESS.
Because no one is perfect (see #3), patience and
forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship. Successful
marriage partners learn to show unending patience and forgiveness to their
partner. They humbly admit their own faults and do not expect perfection from
their partner. They do not bring up past errors in an effort to hold their
partner hostage.
8. TIME.
Relationships don’t work without time investment. Never
have, never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional, quality
time together. And quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent.
9. HONESTY AND TRUST.
10. SELFLESSNESS.
Although it will never show up on any survey, more
marriages are broken up by selfishness than any other reason. Surveys blame it
on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root
cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person is committed
only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a
successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner. And begin
to live life together.
11. COMPLIMENT.
12. CONSIDERATION.
Couples should be considerate of each other’s
feelings and needs. Do not be selfish, always wanting to have the best for
yourself. In fact, it is more desirable for you to put your spouse’s needs
ahead of your own. That way, you will be challenging him or her to do same for
you. And do you know what that will result into? A blissful relationship of
very considerate and caring couple building a happy family that will be like
heaven on earth.
13. ASSISTANCE.
Remember that marriage is a partnership venture,
where couples should do everything in partnership. Assist each other and work
together for the ultimate good of the family. Husband, assist your wife in the
domestic chores. This is very important when the kids are still very young,
and/or there are no external helping hands such as house maids or extended
relatives in the home. Nothing boosts the morale of a woman like a husband who
is always there to help her in her domestic struggles. Even if you don’t know
how to do those things perfectly, show interest and let her know that you are
interested in helping her. Help her to take care of the kids sometimes while
she takes her rest. Help her in the kitchen or to do the shopping or in any
other way necessary. Get rid of the archaic mentality that domestic duties are
the sole responsibility of the woman. She was neither born in the kitchen nor
with an apron tied around her waist. Besides, most women these days work
outside the home just to assist the husband financially, so the men should not
do anything less. And one more thing, one of the ways to increase romance in
your marriage is by helping your wife in her domestic duties. A woman you give
such consideration will do anything to keep the romantic bulb lighted in her
bedroom at all times. In the same vein, no wife should assume that the husband
is the sole provider of every need of the family. That’s absurd! You are his
helpmate; therefore take off some of the financial burdens from your man so
that you will enjoy him better and longer. If you are in the habit of keeping
your money to yourself while the man carries the whole financial burden of the
family, you have ceased from being a helpmate and have rather become an
ordinary bedmate. The same applies to the wife who does nothing but stay at
home all day long watching television or following up on the latest gist on the
social media with friends of like passion.
14. FAIRNESS
Compromises from both sides in all cases
causing conflict. Avoid hurtful statements. Don’t
attack your partner.
Don’t speak at the same time
Take turns to talk and listen. Listen well to understand your partner’s
perspective. Go beyond what he/she is saying verbally to understand what he/she
is communicating emotionally. Ask questions to clarify what he/she is saying.
Ask non-defensive questions to elicit non-defensive responses.
Muster positive disposition
Respond calmly to deal with the intruder, the problem, your spouse is not the
problem. State your opinion, express your feelings, concerns and needs calmly.
Calm tone of voice and positive body language.
Make the problem small
Work together at getting to the root of the problem. Search for solution
together. Consider each other’s view. Find a way to resolve it and arrive at a
compromise. Come up with solutions. Select a solution that you are both happy
with and can carry out. Be determined to make amends. Resolve to prevent a
recurrence...
Shame the devil!
Make up. Show remorse and apologize where necessary. Forgive who is above
mistake anyway! Re-affirm your love for each other and re-connect. Make his/her
happiness your project.
15. SUBMISSION.
Submission
is the greatest tool in marriage, it houses all other ingredients the make a
marriage fruitful and blissful. A submissive woman is a virtuous woman, a
conqueror and the greatest.
A
submissive woman is the only woman that can melt her husband’s heart to give to
her all that she deserves.
A
submissive woman, make a submissive man. Show me a truly submissive wife and I
will show you a woman who has completely conquered her husband.
Biblical submission
in marriage is a wife making a choice not to overtly resist her
husband's will. That is not to say she cannot disagree with him or that she
cannot express her opinion.
You
may be thinking, ‘Well, of course, submitting to my husband is good, but only
for him. I get absolutely nothing out of it!’ But actually, you’d be surprised
by the benefits this simple act can have both for you and your marriage. Let’s
take a look at a few!
1. You Show Him That You Trust
Him.
Marriage
is supposed to be a union between two people who fully and completely trust
each other. That means that you’re ready to give the reins over to your husband
sometimes, especially when it comes to making decisions. After all, if you’re
in a loving marriage, why should you be worried? Your husband is bound to make
a choice that’s best for you both.
Now,
you might think that your husband knows you trust him without you having to
submit to him. But how would he? You need to show it to him — especially if
you’re usually the one who makes all decisions. And what better way to do that
than let him take control?
2. You
Will Influence Each Other.
In
marriage, unity comes first, individuality second. Sure, you are still your own
person, but you’ve also agreed to be a part of a couple and share your life
with someone. That comes with many benefits, but also a few sacrifices. Your
full independence is one of them.
That
might be particularly hard to accept — but remember, it doesn’t mean you need
to give up on your hobbies and dreams. It simply means that you should open up
to your husband’s influence and allow him to change some aspects of you. And
don’t worry — your husband should similarly allow you to influence him. That
way, the two of you can grow together and become the best versions of
yourselves!
3. No Unnecessary Conflicts.
Are
you butting heads with your husband over trivial things time and time again? It
happens to married couples quite frequently — both parties firmly believe
they’re right and refuse to give in. This behavior only leads to tension,
arguments, and unnecessary stress.
And
yet, all of that is entirely avoidable. Submitting to your husband will change
your turbulent marriage into smooth sailing and make communication between you
two much easier.
Of
course, that doesn’t mean you should always give in. If it’s really important
to you that something goes your way, talk to your husband about it. Explain why
you care so much, and he’ll likely agree with you in the end. But don’t forget
to pick your battles.
4. Your Marriage Will Flourish.
Some people will
tell you that, in marriage, both the husband and the wife have their roles. For
instance, the husband’s role is to lead, protect, and provide, while the wife’s
purpose is to nurture, care, and support. When both spouses are fulfilling
their respective roles, the marriage flourishes.
Now, you may not
like this division into roles, but you can’t deny that each spouse has their
own needs. Husbands want their wives to respect them and rely on them, while
wives want to feel safe and cherished. By submitting to your husband, you
fulfill his needs and encourage him to take care of yours too. And fulfilled needs ensure a long and happy marriage!
HOW TO SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBAND.
You
now understand what the benefits of submitting to your husband are, but what
exactly does it entail? There is a lot of misinformation out there, which
causes many women to reject the notion outright. So let’s see what a real
submissive wife should do, as well as what sort of behavior she shouldn’t
accept.
1. Let Him Take the Lead.
When
it comes to managing the household and your marriage, you probably often feel
your husband isn’t up to the task. Somehow it always seems that, if you don’t
take things into your hands, they’ll never be done properly. You end up wearing
the pants in your relationship and making most decisions.
While
it may seem like he doesn’t mind this arrangement, it’s important to let your
husband be in charge. That way, you show him that you value him and trust his
judgment, and in turn, you’ll be relieved of some responsibility. Ultimately,
when you both feel good about yourselves, your marriage will thrive.
2. Ask Him for His Opinion.
You
may be used to making some decisions on your own, such as buying household
items, groceries, and managing the family budget in general. And your husband
may be perfectly fine with this — but you should still ask him what he thinks.
Of
course, you don’t need to call him and ask his opinion on every item you buy in
the supermarket. But when it comes to larger purchases — like furniture, for
instance — you should check what your husband thinks. Even if you know that
he’ll agree with whatever you choose, asking for his input will show him that
you value him.
3. Think of His Needs.
Like
most people, you’re probably inclined to think of your own needs first.
Everyone else’s needs, even your husband’s, tend to come second. But think
about it — if you’re putting yourself first, and your husband is putting
himself first, then where does that leave your marriage? Probably in the second
place — and that’s not where it should be.
So
try to see things from his angle and understand what he needs whenever you can.
It won’t be easy to disregard your own needs if they conflict his — but it will
get better with time.
And
you might ask yourself, ‘Why doesn’t he do that for me instead?’ Well, if he
truly loves you, he will likely put your needs above his too. But don’t wait
around for him to make the first effort — bring positive energy to your
marriage on your own.
4. Try Not to Criticize Him or
Speak Negatively of Him.
The
last thing you want to bring to your marriage is negative energy, and
criticizing is a sure way to do it. That doesn’t mean you should never disagree
with your husband — but even when you do, try to express it in a constructive
way. If he listens to your concerns but doesn’t change anything, do your best
to trust his decisions.
And
remember — it’s best to discuss any issues you have with your husband rather
than speak negatively of him behind his back. After all, you two are a team, a
unit, and you should stick together for better or worse.
5. Be Intimate Frequently.
Sex
isn’t just a fun and stress-relieving pastime — it also helps deepen the bond
between you and your husband. You may not need it as often as he does, but
don’t deny it to him without a good reason. By satisfying him in the marriage
bed, you show that you care about him and his feelings. He’ll know that you can
put him first sometimes — even if you aren’t really feeling it that day.
6. Talk to Him About the
Changes in Your Marriage.
When
you first decide to submit to your husband, it would be wise to talk to him
about it. If he’s used to you taking the lead, this new arrangement might be
entirely foreign to him. In fact, he might not know what it entails or what’s
expected of him. So it’s up to you to explain and answer any questions that
come up.
You
both might slip up in your new roles occasionally — that’s perfectly normal in
the beginning. Ask your husband to forgive you if you do and remind you that
he’s supposed to take the lead now. A good conversation always makes a lot of
difference!
7. Don’t Accept Abusive
Behavior.
Submitting
to your husband isn’t a bad thing — but only if done correctly. Remember, your
husband should treat you with love and respect, not take advantage of you.
Don’t ever think that berating, intimidating, or disrespecting is normal. Even
submissive wives should have their boundaries, so remember to keep yours firmly
in place.
If you do find
yourself in an abusive situation, seek help. Turn to your friends, family,
or find a good therapist. There are many institutions and professionals that
can help you get out — so don’t settle for mistreatment, even of the emotional
kind.
In Conclusion.
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